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Current Standings:

DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
12/04 UMC (s)RBLX HUBS $$$
(S) – Shorted stock

Past Results and Consequences:

November 2021
DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
11/06TSLAVGP$472.99$599.58$ 496.52
(S) – Shorted stock
*Buy Below $10 and Short above $12.50
** Flip short at $121.50

Thanks to a big win on week one, Kyle was able to limp his way to victory, but that didn’t stop him from assigning consequences! Dan had the choice to either go a month with one utensil or make 4 of Charlie’s dishes from It’s Always Sunny. Dan went with the latter, as he isn’t one to shy away from the challenge of making Milk Steak palatable!

October 2021
DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
10/09(s)EBAYGEAPA$501.34$473.68$ 545.33
(S) – Shorted stock

Random opened up a big lead in October and never really looked back… In honor of No Shave November, Dan and Kyle were forced to grow mustaches for the month. Even worse for Kyle was the fact he had to renew his passport!

September 2021
DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
09/04EBAYBAT$524.64$489.97$ 527.87
(S) – Shorted stock

The consequences for Random winning this month is going to be a spicy one. Dan and Kyle are going to recreate a mini Hot Ones challenge and eat 5 wings going from mild to xxx-treme (thanks to George for making it even worse!) in the October Monthly review while George and Vico from TRADEPRO Academy ask us questions about charts and what we’ve learned.

August 2021
DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
(S) – Shorted stock

Dan’s consequences for losing the month of August was a choice between A. cooking authentic Canadian food once a week for the month or B. Flipping a coin to determine whether his bet choice would be switched with Random’s. He obviously decided to cook.

Stay tuned for pictures of Dan’s creations!

The favorite of the recipes, “Split Pea Soup”
Not a fan of “Poutine”
Dan’s interesting attempt at making “Beavertails”

July 2021

July 2021

DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total


Both of the guys had to read 50 Shades of Grey for losing to the Random Stock (Thanks Twitter for picking that one…) and recorded a special bonus episode to review it.

June 2021

June 2021

DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
(S) – Shorted Stock
*Dan used the total from 05/29 by mistake and gave himself a $24.30 handicap. Don’t do drugs, kids…
+Final total would have been $824.25. I told Dan about his mistake, but not what the result would have been. He’ll have to read this note to put his mind at ease


Kyle gave Dan the choice of either A. reading a terrible book that might be so bad it’s good, or B. reading a highly praised book that is not very good. Dan went with option B. Here’s his book report.

Chapter 1

Starts with a prayer—a bad sign…
Young girl whose family is moving from New York to New Jersey. Hoping this is Snooki’s childhood diary. Her armpits don’t smell yet. Wasn’t consulted on moving decision. “Long Island is too Social”-
what does that even mean?? Margaret suspects her Grandmother’s influence on her is why they moved. Pays for private school, sends
her to summer camp, knits her sweaters. Grandma is 60 years old.
Only child but parents wanted more. Grandma always asking if she has a Jewish boyfriend.
A young girl and everything in her life is change. Home, School, Friends, Body. Even Grandma won’t be
in her life as much.

Chapter 2

Neighbor girl Nancy Wheeler also in 6th grade. Invites Margaret to run under the sprinklers, loans Margaret a bathing suit. Margaret changes in Nancy’s room with Nancy watching. Margaret is
embarrassed by not having breasts yet, and Nancy does comment on her flatness before bragging she’s already growing in the chest region, will be like a playboy model soon. Margaret has read her Dad’s
playboy and does not agree. Neither girl has kissed a boy yet. Nancy demonstrates kissing practice with a pillow, then shows Margaret
all her makeup. She can’t wear it outside her room until 8th grade. They talk about hair and marge’s ears sticking out. They meet Nancy’s mom. Talks of arranging carpooling for Sunday School, but Marge doesn’t go. Nancy has brother named Evan, 14 years old. Tells Marge 14 year-olds are gross and only care about naked girls and dirty books. The truest statement of the book so far. They play in sprinklers until Evan arrives and turns the water up, somehow upsetting them by getting them too wet? Nancy leaves to tattle and Marge is alone with Evan and his friend Moose. Moose cuts lawns. Marge is scared they’re looking at her body and wraps her towel so they can’t see down her swimsuit.
Nancy walks Marge back home, tells her to have her mom wash the swimsuit before returning it, and Marge is sad that Nancy loaned her an old swimsuit. Nancy tells Marge to not wear socks on first day of
school so Marge can join her secret club.
Dad doesn’t want Moose to cut their lawn.
Margaret prays again, wants to start growing up (embarrassed because Nancy seemed to expect her to be more grown up as she’s from the city). Marge also expresses that she doesn’t let her parents know she prays because she doesn’t want them thinking she’s a religious fanatic.

Margaret feels shame/embarrassment for just about everything. I keep hoping for some aliens or a witch to show up. Or at this point even some human traffickers so her dad can go all Liam Neeson on them.

Chapter 3

Dad almost cuts hand off mowing the grass, guess Moose would have been useful… Grandma arrives before parents are awake, bags of food in tow. Parents are shocked grandma arrived. Grandma says she’ll call Marge everyday, but keep it secret. Secrets in some families are sacred I guess. Grandma makes a point to joke that she’s only coming to visit to see Marge.

Chapter 4

Marge goes to school, without socks like Nancy said but half the girls are wearing socks. Her teacher Mr. B is a 24 year old rookie. One girl in class is tall with breasts and a bra. Mom doesn’t like that teacher’s a man. Marge invited to Nancy’s secret club.

Chapter 5

@ Secret club. One girl takes 6 Oreos and is asked how much weight she gained during summer so she puts 4 back. They tell Marge to stay away from girl with breasts, and all mention they haven’t had their period yet. They gossip about how Mr. B was checking out girl with bra and breasts. Girls are very interested in Marge’s family not having a religion. Dad is Jewish, mom Christian so they went with neither. Marge has no idea if they’re supposed to join the Y or JCC. Rules for club include having to wear a bra and use secret names, also make a list of boys in order of likeability. Marge prays to God to tell her whether to Join Y or JCC.

Chapter 6

Mr. B quizzes Marge about her religion. Grandma is going to take her to Lincoln center once a month. Marge watches Moose cut lawn and wants to put him in top of her boy book, but tells herself she’s not brave enough. Nancy hates Moose. Mom and Marge go bra hopping, sees Janie there bra shopping too and they lie to each other about buying pajamas and not bras.

Chapter 7

Nancy points out the Mr. B never calls on Laura Dinker (girl with boobs). At secret club all the girls check to make sure they all have bras, then Nancy (the biggest boobs there with her 32-AA) shows them her exercises and chants “I must I must I must increase my bust”. They pass around their boy books, Nancy quizzes Marge but no one else. Marge won’t answer. Kids fuck with Mr. B at school. Nancy caves to peer pressure about not putting her name on her test. Always caves.

Chapter 8

Marge considers doing her class project on religion. Then she prays and asks God if that’s ok. She visits grandma and asks to go to temple, and grandma is overjoyed. Her parents don’t like it but say
she can go.

Chapter 9

Marge goes to temple, get’s bored and just counts hats.

Chapter 10

More judging the girl with boobs. Marge watches moose secretly while he does yardwork. Marge goes to church with friend, finds it just like temple (counts hats again). Square dance at school, Mr.
B teaching them to dance (uses Laura big boobs as partner because she’s tall). Dancing is mostly getting feet stepped on. Marge manages to dance with Phillip (cutest boy in class). Mom has new car.

Chapter 11

Marge and secret club look at anatomy book to see what boys’ junk looks like. They pressure marge to go get her dad’s Playboy so they can look at grown naked women too. They do. They end their club meeting with more chanting about increasing their busts.

Chapter 12

Grandma goes on cruise, mom writes “holiday” cards. Marge surprised she writes to her grandparents in Ohio. They have a Hanukah/Christmas pageant and Marge’s class is the choir. A Jewish
boy gets a note from home to not have to sing Christmas songs, and a Christian girl refuses to sing the Hanukkah ones.

Chapter 13

Marge gets a letter from Norman (classmate) inviting her to a party. Whole class was invited (I was a kid who only got invited when it was whole class… ugh) Getting ready for party, Marge notices some pubes then prays for boobs again. She stuffs three cotton balls into each boob of her bra. Then she prays again, trying to bargain with God (give me boobs and I’ll do housework for a month!)

Chapter 14

All the kids are at the party, boys blow mustard on ceiling with straws, Mrs. Fishtein (party at her house) yells at them all. Freddy the lobster roughhouses with Nancy and tears the pocket off of her dress, getting them all yelled at again. They play spin the bottle. Then “two minutes in the closet”. Marge gets in bathroom (no closet) with Phillip Leroy (dreamy boy) and Norman (whose party it is) he says he likes her but after a quick kiss on the cheek she leaves the bathroom. Marge’s friends are excited that she kissed Phillip.

Chapter 15

Grandma moved to Florida. Girls at school have to watch a film about menstruation. Nancy asks about tampons, lady says they aren’t recommended. Then the lady plugs her company’s menstruation
pads, because it was a sponsored film. Marge’s friend Gretchen gets her first period. Marge prays to get hers. Nancy gets her first period, Marge freaks out and prays for it again.

Chapter 16

Letters between mare and grandma now in Florida. They plan spring visit. Marge tells her grandma that her friends got their periods.

Chapter 17

Marge goes to New York w/ Nancy, her fam (Bro Evan brings moose) and is excited to be near moose. They go out to eat and Nancy gets her real (she lied) period at the restaurant. She prays and
judges Nancy in her prayer to God.

Chapter 18

Marge turns 12 and starts wearing deodorant. Nancy’s card calls her a best friend, and Marge knows it’s because she is aware Nancy is a fake. They have to do a school project in teacher assigned groups, Marge is with Laura big boobs, Norman who threw the party, and Phillip dreamboat. Phillip pinches her and teases her about needing to grow an inch in the boobs. She decides Nancy can have him. She has to talk with Laura bigboobs and decides she hates her because she reminds her she’s undeveloped.

Chapter 19

Marge is studying with Laura bigboobs and they start fighting. Marge declares Laura a ho, and Laura calls her a filthy liar and a pig and storms off. Marge follows and opens up and apologizes, tells Laura she’d rather look like her than herself. Laura calms down some, but continues off to go to catholic confession. Marge follows, figuring she needs to confess as well. She sneaks into the confession booth
after Laura leaves, but when the priest says “Yes, my child?”, she just apologizes and bolts back to the school where her mom is picking her up. At night she prays to God and asks why she doesn’t feel God in
temple, churches or confessional like she does when she’s alone and praying at night.

Chapter 20

Ohio religious fanatic grandparents write and declare they are visiting the week that Marge is supposed to go visit the grandma she knows and loves. (Ohio GP’s out of mom’s life for 14 yrs) Mom makes Marge explain to her grandma what’s going on, to Marge’s protest.

Chapter 21

Ohio Fanatics arrive and shit is tense, they start talking religion and declaring Marge is a Christian because it comes from the mother. Everyone fighting and Marge flips out and declares she’s nothing and storms off, vowing to never pray again.
–This is where I wish I stopped reading, because it would have been such an awesome way to end the book. Grandparents go home, Marge tells off Nancy and makes out with Moose, choosing her own destiny.

Chapter 22

Marge still starts to pray and stops herself, because she’s still mad at god. She and Janie buy pads at the drugstore so they won’t be caught unprepared. She also wants to show God she’s fine without him. (so far so good!). Ohio fanatics leave, and Marge is pissed they ruined her Florida trip and were only around for a day.

Chapter 23

Good grandma shows up with her Florida Man. She’s there to provide support, and starts off by telling Marge she’s Jewish, and Marge flips out again about being nothing.

Chapter 24

Marge’s report to Mr. B says that she didn’t like her religious experiences, wouldn’t make up her mind for some time to come. She says “it’s like picking your own name” always moving on to the next possibility. THEN she declares she’ll definitely raise her kids in a religion because she doesn’t like the pressure of trying to catch up. Everyone else has made booklets but she only has a letter. She turns in the letter to Mr. B, apologizing, starts to cry and runs off, thinking that she cries now more than ever.

Chapter 25

Year end dance, girls all getting ready to go to middle school. Marge goes outside and confronts Moose about the Laura hoeing with him rumors. He laughs them off, asking her if she believes everything she hears. She goes inside and gets her period. She has a bonding moment with mom, they pack some pads in her bag for camp, and then she prays, telling God she knows he’s there and he wouldn’t
miss her period for anything. Then she thanks him for it. For the horrible cycle of menstruation. She thanks him, and that’s the God damn ending.

May 2021

May 2021

DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
*Dan bought ALL initially then shorted right before earnings


After waiting a month, Dan got the chance to exact his revenge and gave Kyle the choice of these two options. A) Dirty up his car and maintain a level of filth consistent with the amount of trash removed from Dan’s car for a month or B) Watch an episode a week of the Jersey shore for the following month. Kyle chose option B but should he have? Here’s the notes he used for the weekly recaps in each June episode

Week 1: Why do they call themselves guidos? Say their all about being Italian, but I’ve never seen an Italian in a tanning bed. Snooki likes Ronnie, everyone thinks Snooki is gross it would seem… except when they’re drunk? Sammy and Mike seem to be a thing (looks like a situation). JWOW didn’t tell anyone about her boyfriend… hmm… Snookie was late to the first day of work. guys say they’re Italian but don’t know how to peel garlic?? Snooki apologized for getting sloppy and seemed to get forgiven by the other 7 retards. the whole jacuzzi thing was just weird. everyone is very judgy. Jesus, does this thing ever end… Snookie tried to leave, but the other girls tried to talk her out of it. looks like a cliff hanger though!

Week 2: I’m annoyed at how effective this consequence is… Mike and Sammie? still look like they’re gonna hook up. My favorite character is the normal boss dude. Angelina sucks at selling/hanging t-shirts. I know everyone was worried, but it looks like Sammi talked Snookie into staying. soo much hairspray! Angelina said she wouldn’t cheat, but looks like she fucked a dude at the club, said she doesn’t remember. JWOW has a boyfriend but cheated on him with Paulie. Paulie has a pierced dick, and now I can’t unknow that. Snookie brought a guy over and he started puking on the loft. sucks to be that guy, get on TV and bomb like that. Vinny got pink eye? nasty fuck… couldn’t work b/c of it, but was able to go out and party. Sammi looks to be initiating a love triangle with mike and Ronnie. Paulie kinda punched a dude in the club. was acting like it was the greatest punch ever, but the other dude barely flinched. Mike acting like a little bitch after Sammi made out with Ronnie. Angelina is a cockblocking asshole. Where’s Snookie been? half the episode she’s been awol.

Week 3:

Get to watch this one with my grandma, I’ll be sharing her comments as well. JWOW didn’t know she made out with Paulie?? Oma: “she looks like a trash bag.” Snookie seems to really like pickles… she likes to suck the juices out of them?? Oma: “they wear black and white a lot, huh?” “make sure you tell them your watching with your 79 yo Oma” “they’re kinda ugly too” “you don’t have to write this down, but all those girls boobs are down to their stomachs now” “oh my gosh, look at the— that’s disgusting” (jwow boob shot). “they all have the same hair, they all look alike, they’re nothing special.” “go ahead and take a shower, you need it” “I can see why this is punishment” “look at this, look at her boobs… this is disgusting” “auf wedersien, go” (when Anglina left). “hahah, relationship breaking, that’s a new one” “how long is this show??” (at 27 min mark) “can we skip it a little?” no “he won’t know” I will. “this is -, I mean, come on… this is punishment” at this point she went back to her book.

Jesus, Pauly put charcoal in a gas grill and lit it… why does everyone take their shirt off when they are mad? Ronnie danced with another girl and Sammie saw, so she gave her number to a cop friend. Ronnie found out and went home. JWOW (now single) went back to keep him company. Sammie found out and went home to “knock a bitch up”

Week 4: welp, Sammie and Ronnie didn’t last long. they’re both real sad… and hugged, maybe they’ll be ok? Paulie and Mike were about to hook up, but Paulie’s girl was on her period and decided she had to go home while mike was looking for a condom, so neither got laid (maybe they saw the camera?). JWOW tried to get her old boyfriend back, he said he’ll never go back into the house, but she could call whenever. Looks like Ronnie and Sammie are going to be all right. Snookie came out of the woodwork at the club finally, showing off her dance moves. think she was a cheerleader based on the back handsprings she was doing. finally saw that fist pump action! JWOW flirting with Paulie again. Mike and Pauly picked up two girls but went after 2 different girls in a convertible on the way home. original 2 left while car girls came back to the house. then original 2 club girls showed up at the house somehow… that’s what i call a sticky situation! they kicked out the car girls and went after the club girls. meanwhile, Snookie got lost bringing home a dude and they just laid out on the beach. JWOW’s BF heard about her dancing with Paulie and wasn’t happy. thought it was about to end so she could just bang Paulie already, but they still seem to be together. Snookie’s mom came to the shore, she was very white (not Italian looking…) some frat douche bag punched snookers in the face after stealing the gang’s drinks… at least the cops were there to take that asshat to jail. really glad it wasn’t one of the housemates that did it, it was getting teased at the end of every episode.

April 2021

April 2021

DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total


As the winner of April’s bet, Random demanded that Dan and Kyle definitively prove which of the two is smarter by having them take the SAT. Little did Random know just how disappointing the results would be….

SectionDan RawDan ScoreKyle RawKyle Score
R&W Score710720
SAT Score13201320
The scoring of these tests is ridiculously complicated… Here’s a link to the explanation

Here’s the test we took and the answer key in case you’d like to play along at home

March 2021

March 2021

DateDan’s PickKyle’s PickRandom PickDan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total
*Kyle won a $15 side bet with Dan on whether Dan would turn a profit on a straddle on SNDL before earnings


For losing the month, Dan was forced to choose between cleaning his car or receiving a hair cut from a mutual friend’s 12 year old son. Dan decided to clean his car and send proof each week for the next month that he was maintaining an appropriate standard of cleanliness.

February 2021

February 2021

Dan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total


Dan was generous enough to send Kyle some Italian Kraft Dinner along with a baby bonnet and bib. Kyle was required to wear this outfit, messily eat the spaghetti and take pictures so that he can have a new social media profile picture. Here are the results:

January 2021

January 2021

Dan’s TotalKyle’s TotalRandom Total


For losing the month of January, Kyle was forced to change his ringtone to play the following tune whenever Dan called…

December 2020

December 2020

Dan’s TotalKyle’s Total
Kyle won a $50 side bet with Dan

No consequences were assigned for this Month as both Kyle and Dan agreed that they both did too poorly to gloat by picking a punishment

November 2020

November 2020

Dan’s TotalKyle’s Total


For losing the inaugural bet, Kyle sent Dan the cute little bunny costume from Christmas Story and had Dan pose for a new social media profile picture. Here was the result:

Historical Running Totals

September$ 358.54 $ 515.69 $575.84
August $458.91 $524.36 $477.02
* Cumulative is monthly total above/below initial $500 that each month begins with.
** Side Bet made during month

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